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A Policy Regarding Marriage for Same Sex Couples at St. Augustine's Parish by The Rev. Hartshorn Murphy This parish has been offering same sex commitment services for some years now and our goal has been, and continues to be, to treat both straight and gay couples equally. In the past this has meant that all couples, gay and straight, who are single, are asked to attend pre-marital counseling sessions, attend worship here at St. Augustine's during their time of preparation for their wedding day and attend a newcomer's class, being open to an invitation to join this parish. Our rationale for this is that we, as a Christian congregation, want to be with people not only on their wedding day but also for their marriage. A community, we have found, is beneficial to couples in entering into and maintaining the vows which they make. In addition, previous to the recent State Supreme Court ruling, we had asked gay couples to negotiate legal documents which as closely as possible mirror the legal commitments entailed in a marriage. With the recent court ruling, the necessity of negotiating legal documents (power of attorney, advanced medical directives, joint custody and the like) is eliminated. In the eyes of this State, gay couples are considered to be married in the same way as straight couples with all the legal rights and privileges which ascertain to a legally recognized union. Additionally, pre-marital counseling seems unnecessary for gay couples who have been together for some time and who have entered into civil unions or domestic partnership arrangements. Further, provision needs to be made for gay Episcopalians living resident in other Dioceses which at this time do not permit gay persons to be legally married in that State. Given all of these considerations, the policy of this congregation is that gay couples resident in our community are welcomed to seek to be married here if they are willing to submit to pre-martial counseling as required by the Canons of the Church (unless they have been in a civil union/domestic partnership for a period of two years or more, in which case the requirement of pre-marital counseling is waived), are willing to attend worship during their time of preparation and are open to considering membership by attending a newcomer's class. Those living outside our local community are encouraged to seek a congregation in their area for affiliation in which their wedding will be performed and their discipleship fostered. For gay Episcopalians living outside of our State who wish to travel here to have their wedding performed in California, we see this request as honoring a reciprocal relationship with others parishes; which means that the request should be made of our clergy by the couples' local Rector, Vicar or Priest-in-Charge; in effect asking our clergy to act on behalf of themselves. Such a written request would need to certify that the couples are members in that congregation in good standing and have been in a domestic partnership or civil union relationship for a period of 2 years or more. (Copies of these documents are not required to be sent.) In places where this is unavailable, the couple has negotiated − or will negotiate − such legal documents which as closely as possible mirror the legal rights and privileges which ascertain in marriage. Couples, who have been together less than two years, will have undergone pre-marital counseling under the supervision of their local priest. Beyond these expectations, the customs and requirements of their local parish will be honored. Once a request is received, our clergy will be pleased to work directly with the couple in scheduling and planning their wedding. In keeping with this spirit of reciprocity, we regret that we cannot honor requests to act on behalf of clergy of denominations other than the Episcopal Church. Specifics of the wedding itself will be governed by the policies and procedures of this parish as contained in the church's Guide to Weddings booklet, available by request from the church office. May God guide you as you continue to plan your wedding day and on into the future of your marriage. Copyright © 2008 St. Augustine by-the-Sea
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