A Journey Through Prayer by Rose Kujawa I know that when I can't pray, God listens to my heart. On my first visit to Saint A's in the fall of 2005, I sat alone in the front pew and looked around the church. I knew I was in a safe place where I would learn again how to pray. I noticed a Book of Common Prayer and thought how strange it was, as I compared it to the Roman Missal I had used over thirty years ago. Eager to learn more about the services and ministries of Saint A's, I attended both Sunday Services the following week. Once again I thought how strange as I turned pages in the Book of Common Prayer during the early service. The Roman Missal, as I recalled it, was so much simpler. I was grateful for the bulletin I received at the later service, which meant I could focus more on listening to the sermon and following the service and spend less time finding the right page of the Book of Common Prayer. At Market Day Mass I learned that there is another book called the Apocrypha from which lessons are read. I had gone home after service, tried to find the passages in an old Bible and they were not there! I next found myself at Bible study class in an attempt to learn more about the books of the Old Testament. I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and, at times, confused at my new house of worship and with the tools of my renewed prayer life. I joined the Prayer and Healing ministry where deep, compassionate listening offers encouragement and support. I had waited till I was at the end of my rope before I turned to God in prayer. My prayer life may not have been perfect, but that would not hold me back from learning to pray again. I learned that God created me as a perfect spiritual being. I just happened to be having a very imperfect human experience in my prayer life. On days when services were not held at Saint A's, I began to read the pamphlet Forward Day by Day and, daily, I set time aside to be still, pray and feel God's power within me. About this time I came across Malcolm Boyd's book "In Times Like These How We Pray" and read a chapter each day. This book taught me to pray in all sorts of moments, places and ways and demonstrated that prayer can take many forms. After reading this book, God's grace seemed more apparent in my everyday life no matter where or when and no matter what I was doing. At the 2006 Ministry Fair, Rev. David Caffrey offered a spiritual class on the Daily Office as a way to "sanctify time" through the Church Year. I was eager for the challenge because it involved the Church Prayer as found in the Book of Common Prayer and not my personal prayer. The practice seemed tedious at first, but I would learn more about the Scriptures, Psalms and Hymns. I turned to my Book of Common Prayer and learned about the three-year cycle for Sundays and the two-year cycle of the daily office and the lessons appointed for Holy Days. At Market Day Mass I learned of yet another source for readings, the Episcopal Church Year Guide, which assists with the Lesser Feasts. This spiritual practice was getting more confusing than I anticipated from the class I had attended. After several attempts to pray at the appointed times, I became discouraged. Then, after seeking guidance through prayer, regarding the continuation of my Daily Office practice, I received a welcome gift of books for the Daily Office and Eucharistic Readings. Living with the Daily Office is a relentless offering of time to God, in which 24 hours is offered to God at appointed times. Though I am retired, I maintain a "24/7" attitude in regard to my varied volunteer work. The expectation is that everyone and everything should be available all the time. It is a challenge to consistently pray at the hours appointed during each day of the Daily Office. Knowing that I pray in communion with others, however, is a powerful feeling, similar to that experienced at Market Day Mass when we offer intercessions for each other and for those in need of our prayers. The struggle to set aside time is well worth the effort when I consider the power of communal prayer. By maintaining a daily spiritual practice, I am creating a wonderful new life. Fears diminished and faith increased as I began to include prayer in my daily life. Though it is easy to get discouraged as my prayer life ebbs and flows, I receive the richness and fullness of God's generosity whatever form my prayer may take. Sometimes I yell or rant, sometimes I whisper. At other times I pray quick and dirty and that's okay! As I pray in church or during the Daily Office, my prayer is slow and perhaps eloquent. Prayer is no longer a time when I simply ask for something, collect the miracle I expect and then go back to being my normal human self. I have learned to pray in the fullness of my joy and abundance, in gratitude for God's grace in my life each moment of each day. I seek His presence in all places, people and things for I know God listens to my heart. Ultimately, prayer is a tool which heals my aloneness by uniting me with others, for spiritually we are all family. As a spiritual family, we are inseparable. Editor's Note: The Daily Offices mirror the monastic offices used by men and women religions but were designed to be used in the home by individuals or by families. They are found in the Book of Common Prayer as Morning Prayer (pg. 75), Noonday Prayer (103), Evening Prayer (115) and Compline (127). A 2 year lectionary is found beginning on page 934 (odd numbered years are Year One; even years are Year Two) and 3 lessons and psalms are appointed for everyday of the year. Lessons can be apportioned at your discretion if your discipline is to do both morning and evening prayer. For those seeking simpler daily devotion, see the one on pg. 137. Whatever discipline you try, it is crucial that you do it for a minimum of 30 days if it is to have the chance to become habitual. Copyright © 2007 St. Augustine by-the-Sea
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