Gossiping is a pervasive human activity. Like any human behavior, it can serve a positive function or a negative one. Those from small communities witness to that sense of connection gossip affords. In business, gossip is often used to both reinforce and to challenge social hierarchy that is ever shifting. Some are more adept than others in using gossip for self-promotion and accumulating power and influence. And thirdly, gossip functions to create alliances. When I share gossip with you and say (or imply) that "it's a secret," I am also telling you that you are valuable enough to me to receive this information and that you should think highly of me for telling you. These three functions: binding community, self-promotion in hierarchical structures and building alliances are activities, evolutionary psychologists tell us, which are hardwired in our brains as we have shifted from being clan-dwelling primates to 21st century urbanites navigating highly complex technological cultures: we are stone age minds in a high tech world.

But gossip has a dark side: it can be malicious and destructive.

"Negative gossip about third parties, who, of course, have no opportunity to defend themselves, is a dangerous game "To be good at malicious gossip requires a high degree of subtly and skill. The trick is to appear to be sympathetic to the victim while holding him below the waterline with implicit denigration. Much malicious gossip is conducted unconsciously, an act that requires self-deception. In the world of gossip, self-deception often takes the form of genuinely believing one is on the high moral ground of charitable sympathy, looking down on one's slowly sinking victim." (Nigel Nicholson, Psychology Today, May 2001.)

As we acknowledge the inevitability of gossip in social structures and communities, we can nevertheless make choices about whether to perpetuate it and encourage it when it is malicious or destructive. The scriptures of both the Hebrew and Christian Bibles have much to say on this subject.

From the Hebrew Bible: "Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, quarreling stops. Charcoal keeps the embers glowing, wood keeps the fire burning, and troublemakers keep arguments alive." (Proverbs 26:20-21)

From the Epistles: "Do you think that you are religious? If you do not control your tongue, your religion is worthless and you deceive yourself." (James 1:26)

From the Gospels: "You snakes - how can you say good things when you are evil? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good person brings good things out of a treasure of good things; a bad person brings bad things out of a treasure of bad things. You can be sure that on Judgment Day you will have to give account of every useless word you have ever spoken. Your words will be used to judge you - to declare you either innocent or guilty." (Matthew 12:34-37)

I long to say that I write this somewhat lengthy article because I have become aware recently of the existence of gossiping in our beloved community of St. Augustine's. That would be ingenuine because all churches gossip. We are likely no better or worse. I have been aware of gossiping for some time (and think not that the clergy have not been convicted of this "guilty pleasure" of gossiping!) I have chosen to ignore that as an inevitable mark of fallen humanity ("sin") or to try to overcome evil gossip but there is a vast difference between idle chatter and malicious and hurtful conversation, and backbiting with good humor and positiveness.

But ultimately we - all of us, clergy and laity - have an obligation to shape the kind of community we wish to live in.

Recently, in a discussion about this subject with a member of our Vestry (Board of Directors), this person said words to this effect: "Are people then not to be allowed to talk about what goes on at church?" That's a fair question and recognizes the subtle difference between idle chatter and malicious gossip. In formulating a response, I am reminded of the Supreme Court justice who said he couldn't define pornography but he "sure knew it when he saw it!" The question is a question of intent.

"What you say can preserve life or destroy it, so you must accept the consequences of your words." (Proverbs 18:21) When someone "shares information" with you about the ministry (members or ministers) of St. Augustine's, the question is not whether this information is true or not, but rather the question to ask yourself is this: "Why is this person sharing this information with me?"

In churches, gossip often takes the form of "backbiting": a pervasive negative criticism in spite of someone's best efforts. Such consistent negativity - the "helpful suggestion" about what you should have done differently or, even less helpful, what you failed to do altogether - kills the joy of serving. I have a friend who as a "systems consultant" says it this way: "Unsolicited feedback is an act of violence."

The courageous act would be to simply decline to hear it. ("You know what, I really don't want to hear this" or "This conversation feels inappropriate to me.") Gossips who have no audience will, over time, learn to be more direct with their anger or resentment. It is a process of entering a new way of functioning and of entering New Life.

"No insults or obscene talk must ever come from your lips. Do not lie to one another, for you have put off the old self with its habits and have put on the new self." (Colossians 3:8-10)

You would be right to ask why this is so crucial right now given that gossiping as a very human behavior is inevitable. It's because of the war.

Over the last several months, government leaders, in my view, have made allegations about the Iraqi government that are blatantly untrue and which have been pointedly contradicted by other branches of government. While it is true that the President of Iraq has done horrible things and does likely posses dangerous weapons (as do we, and the British and their nearer neighbor, Israel), repeatedly the Intelligence Community has said that there is no connection between Saddam Hussein and the events of 9-11. But a foundation of lies and innuendos and half truths - highly sophisticated and malicious gossip - has eroded public discourse on matters of international law and morality. Gossip as false witness undercuts the very democracy we enjoy here and seek to promote elsewhere.

True peace has to be established on a bedrock of justice and honesty - in our national life as citizens in America, in our church community as citizens of the Kingdom and in our families. The more peaceful world our grandchildren may inherit depends on our efforts today towards living nonviolently, towards living with greater integrity.

And so I close this with a "family covenant" of nonviolence. Whatever family configuration you live in, consider, as we enter this Easter Season of New Life and New Possibility, signing a year-long commitment to live in community with each other nonviolently as we seek, as a church community, to do the same. Remember: "Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal." (Proverbs 12:8)

(For additional scriptural references, see: Proverbs 10:18, 10:32, 11:9, 11:12, 12:5, 15:4, 15:14, 16:27-28, 18:8, 20:19, 26:22, 26:28, 25:3; Psalm 15:1-3, Luke 6:45, Ephesians 4:25, 4:29; Colossians 3:17, James 5: and the classic James 3:3-12.)