by The Rev. Hartshorn Murphy
My generation, the Boomer Generation, was the first generation to arrogantly question the need for marriage. To be sure, outlaws in every generation resist marriage as an unnecessary institution but my generation, in its self absorption, actively ridiculed those who chose to be married. The good that came from this tendency to question all human institutions, was that it forced greater clarity for those of us who chose to be so "traditional." The mantra, of course, was: "we don't need the State or the Church to legitimate our relationship." By now, we know that it's not about the State or the Church, it is precisely about the couple and the need humans have to make public that which is private. Let me explain.
In my own marriage of nearly 29 years - and in the couples I have, as a priest, prepared for marriage - there was something profound in declaring publicly a commitment. Even the most cynical couples, as their wedding day approaches, find themselves profoundly moved by the marriage ceremony at which they publicly state their private commitment to love, comfort, honor and keep, in good times and in bad. To state before God, family and friends a lifelong commitment to fidelity (forsaking all others until death) is a humbling experience. And although fully half of all marriages end in divorce, none of them begin in brokenness. As the Prayer Book states in its preamble to the marriage rite: "marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God." (pg. 423) Over time, a married or covenanted couple comes to a fullness of understanding of what the vows said in fear and trembling on the wedding day really mean. As a couple married for over 65 years once said to me: "it doesn't get easier, it does get better,"
The decision to join a church is a significant one for most people. In our society today, there is a suspicion and distrust of the Church and perhaps even a small measure of embarrassment at being too closely identified with something as "traditional" as a Church. People freely claim to be "spiritual persons" but that spiritual quest is often a cafeteria menu of great variety (Christian ritual, Eastern mysticism, nature worship, etc.) To commit to any one discipline, for some, seems limiting in an arena which should be expansive and open. (Not unlike the world of dating or "serial monogamy".)
As clergy, Joyce and I are aware of not only a large number of persons who visit St. Augustine's every week but of a significant number of people who are "attenders" persons who come regularly, share in word and sacrament, and are even financially supportive of the ministry, but who are not members.
The question may be: do these persons consider themselves to be members and are unaware of (or reluctant to participate in) the formal process for joining the church or, for at least some, is the church experienced as a consumer item? Or are we simply dating? All of the above, we suspect.
As clergy here, we want to encourage those of you reading these words and who are not members, to join the church.
The rationale for this invitation is not about the Church, it's about you. Similar to marriage, my experience has been that something happens when we as people move from the periphery to the center. That "thing" is ownership. To move from the place of being a tourist, to a consumer, to an investor, to an owner is the same process as the journey from dating to going steady to engaged to married. And although people join churches and leave them, no one starts in brokenness.
Those who have committed themselves to the spiritual path in the context of congregational life here - with all its human failings and imperfections as well as the stability and solidity more than a century of life together provides - have found, over time, an ever deepening relationship to God and to each other.
A teenager once said to me: "Church is so boring; we say the same thing week after week after week." A senior member once said: "It is so comforting to say the same words, week after week and to know that the same, or very similar words, are being said all over the world and then to think that they have been said year after year now for two millennia and will be said until the end of time itself; it at once makes me feel very small and yet, at the same time, very safe."
When we live into the words of our wedding vows - in sickness and in health, when richer and poorer, better or worse - we become married. When we, in the commitment to a worshipping community, live out our baptismal vows, we become disciples.
And so, on behalf of the whole community of St. Augustine's, I invite you prayerfully to consider joining the church. It will, over time, transform your life.
The Spring Newcomer's Class will be held Friday, May 31st and Saturday, June 1st. New Member's Sunday is June 9th. Sign ups are on the patio on Sundays or by phone (310-395-0977) or e-mail (church @ saint-augustine.org.)
Copyright © 2002 St. Augustine by-the-Sea
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