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For David Staff - In Memoriam by The Rev. Hartshorn Murphy "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman: it is an abomination." Lev. 18:22 "If a man lies with a male was with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them." Lev. 20:13 I met David Staff in Milwaukee in the late 1970's. An artist friend asked if I could stop by to visit David, who was also an artist, but who was going through a rough patch in his life. I stopped by David's home on a Thursday and learned his story. David had been an art teacher at our local arty school but for budgetary reasons, had been "let go." He began to sink into a generalized depression only mitigated by his part time job as a sexton (janitor) at St. Mark's Episcopal Church across the street from his home. David had approached the Rector and told him that he needed him to know that he was gay. The priest informed him that he could not talk with him right then but to come by the next afternoon at 5 p.m. When he arrived at the church, the Rector handed him the keys to his car and told him to go to the parking lot and open the trunk. He did so and found there a carton filled with books and pamphlets condemning homosexuality and offering practical "advice" on how to change one's sexual orientation through prayer. David sunk deeper into depression, gave up his job at the church and developed agoraphobia, a fear of public places. But it was more than that. He believed himself to be so ugly, so hideous, that he feared that people seeing him on the street would be traumatized. So he stayed indoors all the time with the heavy, burgundy drapes drawn - he was in a dark place indeed. His boyfriend tried his best but their relationship was clearly disfigured by all this pain. I visited with David every week and brought him the sacraments of bread and wine, of oil and laying on of hands and prayer and conversation. This went on for months as we together searched in vain for hope. And then one day in late spring, David's partner called to tell me that David was dead. The pain was too great. His darkness was too unrelenting and so he ended it. He asked me to stop by later that week. When I did, I was told that David had left me a gift. It was a self-portrait - a powerful image of a tortured soul trying to hold it together (I displayed it at the annual meeting on Jan. 28th at the church). I have placed David's portrait prominently in every office I've occupied since. It stands as a powerful reminder of how fragile people's lives are and how delicate a burden it is to hold their lives in our care as Christian pastors. The wounding that resided in the trunk of a callous priest's car should never have been send by such fragile eyes… "At Caesarea there was a man named Cornelius, a centurion of what was known as the Italian Court, a devout man who feared God with all his household, gave alms liberally to the people, and prayed constantly to God. About the ninth hour of the day he saw clearly in a vision an angel of God coming in and saying, "Cornelius." And he stared at him in terror, and said, "What is it Lord?" and he said to him, "your prayers and your alms have ascended as a memorial before God. And now send men to Joppa, and bring one Simon who is called Peter …" The next day, as they were on their journey and coming near the city, Peter went up on the housetop to pray, about the sixth hour. And he became hungry and desired something to eat, but while they were preparing it, he fell into a trance and saw the heaven open and something descending, like a great sheet, let down by four corners, upon the earth. In it were all kinds of animals and reptiles and birds of the air. And there came a voice to him, "Rise, Peter; kill and eat." But Peter said, "No, Lord for I have never eaten anything that is common or unclean." And the voice came to him again a second time. "What God has cleansed, you must not call common." This happened three times and the thing was taken up at once to heaven. Now while Peter was inwardly perplexed as to what the vision he had seen might mean, behold, the men that were sent by Cornelius, having made inquiry for Simon's house, stood before the gate and called out to ask whether Simon who was called Peter was lodging there. And while Peter was pondering the vision, the Spirit said to him, "Behold, three men are looking for you. Rise and go down, and accompany them without hesitation for I have sent them." And Peter went down to the men and said, "I am the one you are looking for …" And as he (Peter) talked with him (Cornelius), he went in and found many persons gathered, and he said to them, "You yourselves know how unlawful it is for a Jew to associate with or to visit any one of another nation, but God has shown me that I should not call any man common or unclean …" While Peter was still saying this, the Holy Spirit fell on all who heard the word. And the believers from among the circumcised who came with Peter were amazed, because the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles … Then Peter declared, "Can any one forbid water for baptizing these people who have received the Holy Spirit just as we have?" And he commanded them to be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. (from Acts 10) Peter believed that he understood the will of God. As a righteous Jew and the undisputed leader of the Jewish sect that claimed Jesus as the Messiah, Peter knew where the boundaries were - especially the boundaries concerning the gentiles. For you see, Peter had reluctantly come to accept that gentiles could be accepted into the fellowship of the Church but only if they were willing to first become that which they were not by birth: Jews. Paul claimed otherwise - that circumcision was not a prerequisite to salvation - but Paul was not one of the twelve. He had not walked the long road with Jesus. He was gifted and well meaning but misguided as far as the Jerusalem apostles were concerned. Peter's vision would change all that. In his trance-like vision recorded in Acts (above), God clearly indicates that uncleanliness (abomination) is done away with. God clearly tells Peter that to call unclean and unworthy something that God has created, that is the abomination. My friend David could not receive that testimony because in those dark days the Church did not proclaim them. But most of us in the Episcopal Church are beginning to proclaim it - and more significantly to live into it - now. And the "pain" of those unwilling to hear it is nothing compared to the pain my friend David - and so many like him - have had to endure. Copyright © 2007 St. Augustine by-the-Sea
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