What do I do when the Holy Spirit calls? How do I even recognize that it is the Holy Spirit who is calling? My soul knows that both of these questions contain the deepest of Holy Mystery and Grace, and, as an often ungrateful sinner, the answers do not come easily to me, largely because it is I who gets in the way. The answers do not come quickly either. The Holy Spirit has a different clock. In hindsight, I realize that this part of my spiritual journey began at least nine years ago during a trip that John and I made to Rome in 1994. I cannot begin to explain the Mystery and Grace; the profound sense of transformation that permeated my being as I worshipped in one of the small chapels in St. Peter's Basilica at 7 a.m. one weekday morning. "How can this be?" I pondered and then brushed the notion away. After all, I love St. A's. Most of my spiritual history is here. As you may or may not know, John and I first worshipped here in 1963. Our children, Carlin and Katie, and three of our grandchildren, Ana, Mikela and Angie, were baptized here. I was married here, renewed my wedding vows here and celebrated John's life here. I was here when the old church burned down, spent many months worshipping in the library, watched the walls of the new church building going up; later moved away; moved back; and on and on ... so many memories. How could I even think about worshipping elsewhere, much less changing to another faith tradition? As a cradle Episcopalian, it seemed unthinkable.

Since then, I have continued to experience the gentle, patient nudging of the Holy Spirit through so many different sacred "moments" …, sacred "insights" …, sacred "knowings" …; each one more compelling, staying in my conscious awareness longer, filling my heart and soul in ways too mysterious to describe; all the while drawing me closer and closer to the Roman Catholic faith. No one could have been more surprised (and resistant) than me! And again I thought, "How can this be?"

It is only by the Grace of God that I have been able to spend many months in serious discernment, and with the help of the Holy Spirit Prayer (thank you, Hartshorn, for bringing us that prayer) as my constant companion, to "pray without ceasing" as best as I could, to "surrender my self will" as best as I could, and to "listen for the still, quiet voice" of the Holy Spirit as best as I could. Blessedly, the Holy Spirit has a very persistent way of nudging that becomes harder and harder to ignore, with consequences that become very difficult to bear. Self will, I find, does not bring peace to my soul. And so what seemed a number of years ago to be an absolute impossibility has slowly transformed into the reality of God's Grace, the calling of the Holy Spirit, and that does indeed bring indescribable joy and peace to my soul.

This is my experience, and I share it with you because you have been my "family/community" for a long time, and I want you to have a sense of this part of my journey. It is also very important for me to share with you how abundantly blessed I feel for the loving care, support and understanding that I have received from Hartshorn, and most of all for the profound gift of his deep devotion to the Holy Spirit. Lastly, I want to honor the swirls of sadness I feel at the thought of "leaving home." I believe that you will send me with love and support and that you will even put up with me when I visit. Yes, indeed! I will miss you, and I will miss St. A's, because you are in my heart. Please pray for me, as I will pray for you. Come, Holy Spirit, Come!