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Men's Retreat Reflections by Richard Daum
The question came up - Do I want to go to this year's Men's Retreat at the Mary and Joseph Retreat Center situated at the top of Palos Verdes Estate with the resident squawking peacocks? The answer was a bit easier this year because I risked going last year and enjoyed myself. I recalled the relaxed fellowship, the daytime view overlooking the sea and the night- time view overlooking the lights of the city. Going into a spiritual retreat, I no longer expect a life-changing miracle (just fear it). My goals are more modest. I pray and hope that I will have a chance to move outside my routine, share fellowship with other men in the parish, get in a good nap, reflect a bit on my spiritual journey, and take a step or two forward. I was not disappointed. Laurie Hutzler, with production assistance from Joyce, ably led us through an analysis of our life story in the context of all great stories including the story of Christ's life. What mask do we wear? What are our strengths? What are we called to do? What gets in our way? Like all good stories, our life unfolds and we, as the actor, struggle for creative control with the Director. Our will or the Director's! Like any good story, the weekend gave me no final answers but the process awakened something that percolates in the recesses of my mind and heart. My most memorable experience was outside the formal structure of the retreat. On the first night, during evening prayers, many shared special prayer requests. I was struck at how little I understood of others pain and joys, disappointments and accomplishments. As I returned to my room, I stopped to admire the city lights. I was overwhelmed by the realization that every one of those lights reflected a story. Luckily, the weekend offered, on a smaller scale, a chance to share in the tears and laughter of the life stories of us who came and shared. And I did experience a miracle - I saw a peacock fly! A Worthy Experience by Caldwell Williams I was a participant in the 2004 St. Augustine's Men's Retreat, as I had done in 2003. We gathered Friday evening, May 21st, in the serene, immaculate Mary and Joseph Retreat Center, atop the Palos Verdes, where the serenity at this time of spring is regularly punctuated with the apparent hormonal screech of magnificent male peacocks - especially at night. Most of us had met at the base of the hills, crowded a baker's dozen guys into a dining booth designed for five or six, to eat sandwiches, salsa, fried potatoes and such. A tone of friendly informality resulted. This spirit of camaraderie grew as the weekend progressed with a warm spirit of openness, self-examination and reflection. The food improved exponentially. For me, this would be my second Men's Retreat. Unlike 2003, however, this time we'd be without our rector, Hartshorn, and a male facilitator. This year our Retreat leaders would be two women, Laurie Hutzler, facilitator, Joyce Stickney, our priest - and 15 guys! The two intelligent, articulate, women, experienced at facilitating groups, got us off seamlessly with a brief prayer, a round of self introductions and statement of purpose by Laurie. Lest you be concerned, I will not here chronicle the entire Retreat. Instead, I will share some observations of the Retreat process, and then talk briefly about my own experience and process. Laurie's model, a graphic design for how film scripts are constructed, as a metaphor, or frame of reference, through which our own life process or "story" can be constructed, remodeled or seen, is compelling, irrefutable and useful. She introduced the model and both graciously and gracefully gave room for challenge and rebuttal attempts without defending. She allowed her model and process to enlighten us. A scripted story has a beginning, middle and an end. Laurie illustrated how we're culturally trained, encouraged and rewarded for creating a character, mask, and act to present and cope with the world. From this falsity, we learn to build coping skills with which to function, cope, pay the bills, even conquer life - if not to just avoid the terror of aloneness. She, with her compelling model, guided us to explore our own story. In the process, I discovered the cost of my aliveness, my real self, the lack of which pains, thwarts, blocks me from a fuller experience of who I am, as a magnificent being, companion to my Creator. Laurie and her model enabled me to discover evidence of my own 40+ years struggle, quest, efforts to allow the experience to more of myself. I've been on this road since age 27. I've studied with, retreated with some of the notable pioneers of the contemporary movement in quest for personal fulfillment: Carl Rogers, Rollo May, Fritz Perls, Swami Monktenanda, Roger Gould and more. I've fed and educated my family as a consultant, trainer, retreat leader to small and major corporate executives. My discoveries during this year's St. Augustine's Men's Retreat were conformational, not new. The model by which Laurie flushed them to clarity is superb, and particularly the things I can and committed to do to continue to live in my more alive awareness. I'll be present again in 2005. I say so, with confidence that I'll be given that opportunity, by grace.
Copyright © 2004 St. Augustine by-the-Sea
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