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A Steward's Reflection - Oct. 28, 2007 by Catherine York My name is Catherine York. I'm a new member of St. Augustine's - attending services for nearly 5 years and a member for the last 4. I love this church. I come from a heavy Irish Catholic background - so it took me a while to get used to the narrow margin of guilt found here. I remember in the newcomer's class, when I asked, "so do I have to re-baptize my children as Episcopal, and do Brian and I have to renew our vows here - to be members? How do I become Episcopal?" To which came the answer - "No, you're done. You are Episcopal now, and a member of this church." It was too easy. Being a good ex-catholic, I almost felt guilty about it. And then about tithing - I had so many questions. "Do I have to give 10%? I am a stay-at-home mom, and my husband isn't thrilled about organized religion, can I even be a member without an acceptable tithe? How much is 'good enough'?" To which came the answer. "Pray about it. You'll know what's right." All that was asked of me was a pledge, and a promise to stick to that number, whatever amount it was. Too easy. Like a lot of people, I am weird about money. I grew up with very little - my parents did the best they could, and I knew that. I paid my own way through college, becoming financially independent at age 19. And even out of school, I had my career job and my weekend job, to pay off student loans and car debt and put a little in savings. I did my best to not have to depend on anyone. The beautiful, (but very unexpected) arrival of my twin daughters, Melanie and Charlotte, changed everything for me and my husband Brian. He had to sell his mustang and scramble for extra work, taking jobs he might have normally said no to, while I became housebound with babies, relying on him for every cent that came our way. This was quite an adjustment for both of us. Hard on Brian, because he wasn't initially prepared to be Captain Provider and all that came with that title, and hard for me, who, in addition to spending long days learning how to juggle two babies, had to surrender my independence, and let Brian take care of me financially, something that wasn't quite part of my feminist make-up. I started coming to St. Augustine's somewhere in my first year of motherhood. I remember days I would sit in the pew and just cry, asking God to help me, I was so worried about being a good mom and I was so fearful of my role as a wife. It was a tough first year, financially and emotionally, and there were times I felt my circumstances were entirely out of my hands, so I "let go and let God' as they say. But that was just the beginning. After a few years, Captain Provider came through. My husband, who works as an avid editor in the reality industry, is very good at what he does. I know I give him a hard time about TV, being a book person myself, but he's happy doing his work, and once I started supporting his decisions with my full blessing, he was able to give his best to his career. I am so blessed. My cup overflows. Not only do I have two healthy, happy, loving little girls, and a supportive, thoughtful husband. But we have a house and a yard and a dog and health insurance. I am able to work from home. Our kids go to a great school. We take vacations every year. We eat out a few times a month. It's not hard living anymore. We are very very blessed. Last fall, I began to feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude for all that I had, an overwhelming sense of guilt that I didn't deserve it. Maybe it was my heavy Irish Catholic background taking over, maybe it was the fact that I grew up with money always being tight, and it was hard to change that ingrained need to save save save. But I think it was because I took a look around me and realized, we weren't struggling anymore, I had prayed for deliverance through hard times, and God had answered. But I suddenly wanted to increase my pledge, to double it, in fact, but didn't know how to approach the subject with my husband. While I may have felt that God delivered us, Brian would, no doubt, argue that hard work and smart decisions paid off, and I couldn't argue with that, because they did. Still, I thought about all the families I knew that worked hard and made good decisions, and are still just getting by, all the time. "We are lucky," I decided. And through a series of hard conversations, I eventually won Brian over by asking his permission to give more to this church because it meant so very much to me that I show I am GRATEFUL. It's the message I want to send to my girls. In a world that's filled with poverty, and wars, and disease and strife, we are happy, healthy and provided for and we are grateful for that. I want to confess that we are not tithers. But we've increased our pledge every year and last year - we almost doubled it. It's a decision we came to prayerfully, together. I've learned that's the best way! It's gotten easier every time.
Because I see my kids find answers here, that they can't always find in the world outside. Because I see this church give generously of itself! A few weeks ago I showed my girls the pictures of the children in Darfur, with their new uniforms on and I said to them "See! Remember the art show? All the money went to these kids for their school clothes!" I'm so glad I'm part of a parish that cares so deeply for others. It's the most important thing we can teach our kids - to be compassionate!! I tell Melanie and Charlotte that they are growing bigger every day and they say to me "You've stopped growing, Mommy!" And I can say to them "Well, my spirit is still growing!" And it's true! It is! I'm so glad I'm part of St. Augustine's and so grateful for the opportunity to share my stewardship testimony with you today! Copyright © 2007 St. Augustine by-the-Sea
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