April, 2004 Calendar In This Issue: The Passion of the Christ and the Execution of Jesus What Do I Do? No Nursing Home for Me!! Mozart and the Easter Bunny Same Sex Unions and Gay Marriage: A Policy for St. Augustine's Taize and Labyrinth in Holy Week Spiritual Practices: A Practicum Episcopalians

by The Rev. Hartshorn Murphy

I am pleased to announce that the Rev. Kate Lewis and the Rev. Pat Hendrickson, both daughters of our St. A's family, will make their commitments to each other before God and before God's people, in the context of the 11 a.m. Eucharist on Sunday, May 9th. As a priest and as a deacon of the Church, it is fitting that their celebration be held on the Lord's Day and in the context of the community gathered for worship. You are cordially invited.

Some years ago, I was mildly shocked when a senior presbyter at a clericus gathering remarked: "If I never do another wedding in my life, I'd be glad indeed!" I assumed that he was naming that which all clergy quietly resent - the hours (typically 10 or more) in premarital counseling and planning; rehearsal and receptions which revolve around the wedding event in which the sacramental nature of the event is often lost and all this is done for people who have little or no church connection but want a "church wedding" with all the trimmings. Indeed, since this conversation, most Episcopal churches have adopted polices in which they decline marrying non-members. (Our policy here is more nuanced than that.)

But what was shocking/surprising was not the reluctance of this priest (the rector of a stunningly beautiful place) to have his church used as a "wedding set" (think of a movie background set) but that he went on to draw a contrast between the English and American Anglican traditions. He claimed that in England, marriage is an affair of the State and that the role of the Church is to bless relationships. "In America," he said, "clergy act as officers of the court in presiding over marriages and that's a confusion of our role."

Assuming that his characterization is accurate, moving in this direction in this country could defuse the cultural wars around same sex marriages. Indeed, we could even rediscover the language of the 1928 Book of Common Prayer which refers to the rite done in Church as the "Solemnization of a Marriage" in which, if this shift were to occur, people - gay or straight - would first go to an officer of the court for a marriage license (a legally binding contractual relationship with equally applied privileges for all couples) and then come to the church, for those who desire it and whose church's theology permits it, for God's blessing on that committed relationship, provided by a priest/pastor. As some have observed: "For a church that blesses homes, cars and fields for planting, this should not be such a stretch." Indeed, the resolution of the last General Convention said as much in declaring same sex unions to be "not outside" the range of our tradition as Anglicans (permissive not proscriptive).

It is fascinating to see the numbers of couples who have responded to the openness of the City of San Francisco (and other places) to issue marriage licenses. It belies the assertion that gay couples are not interested in monogamy or fidelity, as is often charged by the religious right. The issue is surely equality and acceptance but it's also one of receiving the same legal rights mixed gender couples take for granted. In adopting, then, a policy for these times as the courts and government sort through the issue of the legality of same sex marriages, the Church needs to act responsibly. I have been impressed with the policy by All Saints in Pasadena which states that same sex and mixed sex couples will have similar requirement in seeking a ceremony at All Saints church and we have adopted this policy for St. A's as well. We have adopted that policy as our own here. That means that couples will be members of the parish, will participate in pre-marital counseling and, in the case of same sex couples, will execute legal documents which attempt to define their relationship as mirroring, as much as possible, those rights which come automatically with a marriage license (e.g. inheritance, custody of children, power of attorney for illness etc.) With gay couples as with straight couples, some are unwilling to submit to these requirements and for those who "only want a ceremony," there are other churches who may be willing to accommodate them. Our hope, as a church community, is to be with folks for their marriage (the long haul of life, long faithfulness) not just for the wedding day; and that takes time for preparation, deep and honest sharing and in the case of same sex couples in this interim time of shifting paradigms, some legal work.

What is marriage as a sacrament? The Catechism (Book of Common Prayer pg. 861) defines it this way: "Holy Matrimony is a Christian marriage, in which the woman and man enter into a life-long union, make their vows before God and the Church, and receive the grace and blessing of God to help them fulfill their vows." I was taught in Seminary that marriage, as a "church created lesser sacrament," is the sacrament that the couple "do for each other" in which the Church asks God's blessing on their intention. This contrasts with the two great sacraments, instituted by Jesus - Baptism and Holy Communion - in which God acts and we respond. The Church, then, is free to change its mind (and its policy) by changing "woman and man" in the definition to "the couple"; the defining issue being the commitment to fidelity and mutuality. The policy of the Diocese of Los Angeles and its Bishops, on this issue, is permissive. Individual congregations are free to chart their own course in these rough waters. Our vestry and your clergy have clearly stated, and now restate, that it is the policy of St. Augustine's to encourage and facilitate monogamous, life long relationships of fidelity and mutuality for all of God's people who love one another, whatever their sexual orientation and that services in the Church which lift up and celebrate and asks God's blessing on these vows are appropriate and are of God.

Copyright © 2004 St. Augustine by-the-Sea